Tuesday, September 18, 2012


I'm starting a new line of scented markers. The twist is that they'll be scented like terrible things. No more of this rainbows and chocolate nonsense. It will be a fearsome Bernie Botts every flavored beans array of colors. Yellow will smell like stale urine. Green will aerate the pungent odor of puke.

Black? It will smell like death.

They're marketed to a bitter crowd - your everyday utensil for composing hate mail. So when the celebrity who broke your heart, or the politician who broke his promises opens up the envelope, they'll be greeted by the stank odor of your hatred.

I'll sell it in a package with a magazine that is completely full of letters, A-Z. All in miscellaneous fonts, colors and sizes. You won't have to rummage through to cut out letters for your secret threats. There will be a  index in the back as well, with common phrases all spelled out:

"Go jump off a bridge"

"You're ugly"

"Watch your back"


"I hope you pickle yourself in grueling self-loathing for the rest of your life - you don't deserve to be a cucumber any longer"

Words are powerful. Hate deserves to be expressed.

Buy our markers.

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